I wrote a blog entry back in 2008 about a peculiar habit I have when reading a book: Even if I am enjoying the read, I often find myself sort of wishing I was finishing the book. I explained it like this:

Because I’m busy, and because I have numerous other hobbies I like to indulge in the rare spare time I do have, I don’t get to read nearly as often as I’d like to. So I always have a pile of books on my “to read soon” shelf, waiting in the queue. So I’m really looking forward to finishing the current book so that I can start the next book, which I am doubtlessly greatly anticipating. 

But that’s where things get strange, because once I do start that next book, the chances are good that I will soon start considering that (new) one the one that I need to finish so I can start the one in line after that.

Is it some bizarre thing where the anticipation of the read is stronger than the act of reading itself?  Maybe.  But moreover, I just think that I’ll never have the time to read everything I want to, so I’m in a constant state of forward thinking. “What’s up next?”

The reason I bring this up is that this reminds me of my songwriting habits (but sort of in reverse, since this is about creation as opposed to consumption). No matter how much of a back log I have of previously written songs, and no matter how fond of them I might be, I’m always interested in writing something new. Keeping the pipeline flowing, so to speak.

Music keeps my weekday evenings busy a lot with rehearsals and stuff, but when I do find myself home in the evenings, if I don’t completely crash, I inevitably end up going back to music. It might start with listening to music or watching some music related stuff on YouTube, and then I get inspired. I get motivated. I start feeling the need to feed my own musical muse.

I’m a writer. Apparently I am, anyway. Innate modesty kind of makes me uncomfortable with “declaring” myself any kind of title… That’s for other people to decide, you know?

But I’ve come to the conclusion that I must be a writer, because when my musical muse needs feeding, that’s where I almost always turn.  I don’t get musically inspired and decide I’m going to grab the guitar and play and sing beloved songs by my favorite artists. I get inspired by them to try to do my own thing. Not that I want it to sound like them, but I think, “If these people can create something so wonderful and add it to the world canon of music, maybe I can make my own contribution.”

Maybe every song that was ever written is like a big painting on a very large canvas, and maybe I can add some of my own brush strokes to it. And when the song is done—if it gets completed—I further feed the muse by (hopefully) bringing it out to play with bands and other musicians.

So, tonight I fell asleep early on the couch from exhaustion, but it was just an evening nap. Sort of a “before bed” temporary sleep. Soon after, I actually headed to bed, with my iPad, where I watched drum videos to start and, eventually, performance clips of bands. Though I usually fall asleep quickly, sleep did not come readily tonight. I’m sure that prior evening nap thing had a lot to do with it. But, at any rate, before long, I felt like I wanted to get up. And work on music.

I grabbed a guitar and went down to the other end of the house while everyone else was sleeping. I threw chords together, I hummed melodies, I attempted not to repeat myself too much, and I sought to hit the sweet spot where something clicks. 

It was a total swing and a miss. Nothing much good came of it. It mostly all sucked. Sometimes you know you’ve hit upon something good, and other times you’re not sure, but the true test comes when you listen back the next day.  Today it all sounded lame right out the gate. There will be nothing to listen to “the next day.”

Well, no big deal. It’s part of the process. Sometimes things land, sometimes they don’t. You just get back on the horse and hope something good comes of it next time.

But the most crucial point of all, I think, is that with a writer—probably in any medium, not just a songwriter—it’s seemingly never enough. From a practical standpoint, I don’t “need” to come up with new stuff… I have a whole bunch that I’m already playing in bands and an even bigger backlog of material that is just waiting in the wings for the right situation. Most of them will never get played out in a group. So, it’s not like I couldn’t just pull up something old and feed all my bands “new” stuff (new to them them, new to me playing with other people) for a long time to come. But instead, it’s about writing something new. Even though a new song will just become the old song next time the urge hits to write something new.

It’s an ongoing process. The destination matters, too, but the journey is a huge part of it.